Discovering

Telling Noah about my existence was the most challenging and painfull thing I have ever experienced, it was one week after the incident with Christopher at their house. Before setting a day and time we decided to go together and seek professional help to deal with this situation. With my background and history of family issues I needed to find a way to make things stop with me and try to have a relationship with my son.

We went to a local children specialist that was highly referred by someone in the foundation. This doctor was a NYU scholar and according to what I read on his portfolio, he met all the criteria. We made a session and explained our history together, and then we had individual sessions with him that were very revealing to me. Finally we agreed that he would join us for an in home session where he would participate and walk us through telling Noah in the healthiest environment.

-Hi Noah, my name is Doctor William Burroughs. Your mom invited me today so we can talk about something very important. Can you help me discover the best way to explain to your mother about how would you feel after we talk about something important? - He was very pragmatic and a little too over his head regarding how to talk to a child.

-Sure. - Noah said while painting one of his wooden animal toys.

-Well, then. Do you remember the day your mom told you that your dad Christopher was your second Father?-he asked.

-Yes, that was one day we were at a park. Daddy and mommy looked worried.-he said.

-That usually happens when adults have some big news but they don´t know how that would make you feel. Do you remember how did you feel when they told you? -  The Doctor said assessing Noah´s reaction.

- I felt happy because is not every kid that could have two dads but I also was wandering when would I meet my first father. Noah stopped painting and looked at me. I don´t know why he would.

-I see. Do you understand what having a first father means?- The doctor insisted but without pushing.

-It means that my Dad Christopher is my adoptive father because he raised me but also treated me like his son and that my first father is my biological father the one that conceive me. - The kid was too smart and continued to paint. He was pretty good at both.

-Would you like to meet your first father?- He said.

- Yes, I would but Nana said that he lives in England and that we would need to take a plane to get there. -  Noah said.

-Nana talks about your first father? - Edith asked.

-Yes, mom but only when I ask her to. She told me that you don´t like to talk about him because you were sad to leave England and you don´t want to return.- Noah said and Dr. Burroughs looked at Edith and asked her to continue.

-Yes, I was sad because I didn´t want to leave but I had to make that choice to give you a better life. Please forgive me if I didn´t talked about your father and told you how a wonderful man he is, that you are growing everyday and I can see lots of his good qualities in you.- Edith started to cry.

- That´s ok mom, I know you would tell me when you were ready. I just needed to be patient. - The kid is amazing; I cannot believe he has my blood in his veins.

- Noah, we asked several members of your family to be present when we talk about this. Do you see anyone here that might not be family? - The doctor asked.

-Only Edward but mom has taught me that all friends are like family so I guess everyone in this room is family.-Noah left me speechless.

-Good but do you feel like he is family? - He insisted.

- Umm…. Yes, otherwise my mom wouldn´t let him be in our house too often. - he smiled.

- Ok. Edward, is there anything you want to tell Noah? - The doctor throw me to the wolves.

- Noah, I am your biological father. - When I said those words I felt  a very unusual warmth in my heart. Noah   jumped and hugged me. I have never cried in my entire life like I did that day. I hugged him so tight.

The shrink was a genius; he allowed us a moment alone for us to talk and asked Edith and Mrs. Willes to wait outside.

-          Do you understand that I never meant to leave you and your mother and that I really love you very much? - I asked him.

                He said yes with his head.

After we were done, the doctor asked me to leave Noah with his mother.

I felt that my life was finally meaningful and I had two things I needed to fight for.

Edward Woods,

TO BE CONTINUE