Monday, December 08, 2014

Her L'Os à Moelle



Someone is walking the narrow street while lighting a cigarette to burn some life out of the troubled heart. You can see a short dress with some high heels marking her steps as she gets out of the dark alley.  She finds a table outside of the French bistro and sits while the burning continue and her lungs recent it without hurting. She waits.

More burn comes in and some more comes out. She´s still waiting. Legs crossed now decides to redo her red lips and savors some great past memoirs that makes her mouth watery, she remembered once more and smiles. She keeps waiting. Red lust on her lips and she waits.

The dress lets us see her path and also her back with the little trails of a butterfly kissing her skin. She waits. The smoke of the third cigarette is done and her fingers caress the next one. She´s peculiar, not tall but with such a presence, not the prettiest but with such captivating eyes, not the thinnest but with the right curves for certain preferences. I can´t say she´s beautiful but almost perfect for some. But she still waits.

 It seemed like shewas  getting impatience so she grabs the phone and drops it immediately as if she remembers that she can´t neither call nor demand. She has to wait.

I can see her face completely now, the lights are finally touching her eyes and I see someone worried, as if she´s afraid that she would have to wait forever. I wonder if he knows that’s she´s waiting, I wonder if he understands why she does it.

A car slowly drives across the bistro and the front lights won´t let me see who´s coming out but, as I see her standing up and turning off the cigarette I can see who she´s being waiting for.


She´s no longer waiting. After seeing her grin I couldn´t avoid smiling widely. She would wait for him for as long as it takes no matter time, lands nor obstacles. She would wait, the cigarettes and the memories would keep her company while he´s gone.


Salomée

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Adapting


            



            Once upon a time the seashells found themselves growing in love with the sea. As time passed, they enjoyed the splendor, profound love of the sea. The sea was their world and never crossed their mind that their surrounding may changed.

They fell in love completely since their nature is being hard by developing a protective outer layer created by an animal that lives in the sea making their world perfect.

Once released in to the sea, something strange happens: The sea finds them incomplete and decides to push them away to the land surrounding. What the sea didn´t imagine was that  the Seashells would find rocks and after continuously being pushed away  they finally connect and attached to the rocks.

A new kind of love was born,  a  hard love intended to their nature. The rock stops being ugly because now the seashells cover them turning the rocks into a beautiful master piece.
 Awkward, isn´t it?  Finding pain and then a new way to love.


The seashells are no longer part of the sea, the Rockshells are now part of a constant rock.


Salomée.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Mi querida mami,







Hoy los días se acumularon juntandose en semanas, luego en meses y finalmente en un año mas de vida. 

Hoy celebras con nuestra familia y aunque distante una de la otra  mi corazón no deja de palmitar al recordar que tengo la mejor madre del mundo.

Quisiera poder pagar aunque sea un poco de todo lo que diste para nosotras, tu dedicación, tu sacrificio, tu entrega, tu persistencia, tu empreño en darnos lo mejor, tus cariños, tu disciplina, tus consejos, todo habla de lo maravillosa que eres.

Quisiera que nunca olvides cuanto eres amada, admirada,querida, pensada y cuanto quiero poder ser un ejemplo para mis hijos como lo eres para mi.

Soy bendecida con mas que una madre, tengo una confidente, alguien que me conoce mejor que qualquier otra persona, que me acepta y me ama tal qual soy.

Hoy celebro tu vida, tu grandeza, tu inmeso corazón, tu fuerza, tus dones y tus logros. Hoy  te mereces mas que unas vacaciones, te mereces el cielo .

Hoy entiendo que tengo dos angeles aqui en la tierra y planeo pasar el resto de mi vida intentando devolverles a ambos todo lo que recibido de ustedes.

Te amo mami, Feliz Cumpleaños.


Con amor eterno, tu hija.

Thursday, August 07, 2014

Can you?



Can you say the words?
I feel complete.

Can you regret any off it?
Never.

Can you walk forward on heels with red lipstick on and dancing all the way?
(Wide smile).

Can you stay on this spot forever?
Absolutely

Can you change?
Yes, but what for? I´m the way I am and I´m perfect just like this. All of it, right and wrong. With the extra pounds,  the cat-like eyes and the fortunate verses.

Can you make them change?
Yes I can.

Can you be the exception to the rule?
Always.

Can you make it better?
I can try. Better trying than quitting.

Can you see yourself turning back?
Not anymore.



Salomée

Tuesday, August 05, 2014

FACT 5: THE END




Hectic afternoon at work and my conscience is traveling to tropical Miami. She decided that needed an entire month for herself. You gotta love my conscience she knows how to have fun…

I take my shoes off, my feet hurt a lot and my cell reminds me that  I have a phone  call appointment,  I´m dialing the  number to find out how was her first experience on a plane and to find out how she´s feeling since the doctor prescribed rest. I´m dialing and I´m eager to hear her voice. The phone keeps ringing and anxiety builds until I hear her. 

She answers:

-Good evening.
-It´s not your house and you´re answering the phone?
-I knew it was you.
-How was your flight?- exited to know how it was.
-It was peaceful, I loved it!
-I told you it was alright.
-Why you´re sad?

Of course,  she can drastically change the topic.

-I sound sad?
-You are. Why?
-I miss you mom. That´s all!
-Me too, but I think is something else!

Tears want to invade but I´m not letting them.

-I was mom…I was sad about it but I can finally say is not worth it. It´s worthless to be sad about. I think is for the best and I´m thankful I have you to constantly remind me about how worthless it is.

Silence.

Silence on both sides.

She speaks the final fact:

-This will be the last time we´ll talk about this. You´re ready… no more sorrow  blinding your path and no more tears to drawn your throat. My child, you and I have seen it, lived it and let it slipped away from our fingers, we have endured the loss and we finally have learned the lesson: It´s  once on a life time and it´s enough to last for eternity.



It Ends here.


Salomée

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Fact 4



I just finished my last post and then decided to call my conscience:

-Hi, Mom. Are you feeling better?

-Physically I’m getting better but I think I’m emotionally exhausted. I have witness too much in the past couple of days. - She sounds troubled.

-Are you fighting again with Dad?

-Sadly, this isn´t about me Hun!  What did you do? Were you that terrible to  him?

I lower my face, she can´t see me but she knows after the silence. Why we need to always go back to this subject.

-Mom, What are you talking about? I´m way too far to cause any damage.

-I saw him yesterday, he wasn´t aware of me being near. He´s lost! Completely lifeless.

-No, Mom! I think you are confused. That person is happy and it´s at his best moment.

-Listen to me. I know a Circus Charade when I see one.

-Mom, That doesn´t matter now. I´m done with that, I’m refocused to new things now.

-You blind child, are you going to play that game too.

-Mom, I don´t want to hear it. It´s done, we chose different lives, we want different things, we changed, life changed us. We don´t belong in a common world, We simply are intended to exist separately and I honestly think we´re happier.

She remained in silence.

-I know you worry about us, but honestly we´re fine or at least with time we will.

No answer.

-Don´t dwell for me, mom.

Suddenly i hear tears. I hear her breath getting thicker and anxious.

-Are you crying for this? Mom, don´t worry, pleases I´m ok.

She manages to speak.

-Is this how you wake yourself every day? Are these the words that let you sleep at night? You will not fight for it anymore?

-No. I won´t fight for it anymore.

-Then be ready for those consequences. Be ready for the hole that your chest will carry, be ready to look at the mirror and feel like something is always missing. Be ready for looking the other way when you see him and still feel your heart wanting to come out, be ready to cry from now and then wondering how he is, be ready to never forget and live a pretend life, be ready for sorrow, be ready for loneliness, be ready for a fractionated happiness, be ready to keep yourself locked and no one to find the key. Be ready to live my life. Wasn´t  you who said that you´ll be nothing like me? Wasn´t you the braver? Is this what you want? Thirty years from now this is where you´ll be, is this what your heart wishes?

Tears started to fall out limitless; now it was me with the heavy breathing, now it was me the speechless one.

-You see now why there´s no need for the Circus Charade.

-Mom, what can I do when one of us has the will but the other chooses to live the charade?

-So, you´re telling me that you´ve tried and you´re not the problem?

I said yes but the words don´t get out of my mouth but she knows the answer.

-I see…. Then you´re not the one walking towards dooms day….He is.

I bet that we both nodded at the same time.

-I´m sorry Darling but now I understand what you meant…. You had no other choice but to moved away from here and try to be happy. You´re  indeed the bravest and the best of us. You will conquer this, and soon enough you´ll be granted with a gift I can only dream of.

-What´s that, Mom?


- Amnesia.

Salomée

Monday, July 21, 2014

The Girl is Touching Fire



The fire is touching my skin and caressing it to prepare for rebirth and the wind that once was quiet, is giving the great news. My death stopped, my denial had shipped away, my pain went down the river and only the certainty of achievement is occupying my strength, my endured will and my entire body.

The architect of my future isn´t my past, the shadows that once blocked my vision are no longer a problem; the love I gave to the undeserving is refocused to life and it´s magical moments. Moments that I intent to live, cherish and smile about.

It´s time for me, myself and I get a vacation to wonderland and made this fairy tale world more of a reality. There´s no time for bitterness, no time for wondering, no time for sadness, no time for the unworthy, no time for past mistakes there´s only time for Love  in all its dimensions and nothing more or nothing less because it´s absolutely truth what they say ¨Life is indeed too short to live it with regret¨. Everything that happened in my life was for a reason, the decisions I took upon myself made me who I am.

The fire have made me searched for the truth behind the lies, the  faded promises, the story telling speaking of soul mates or rooted love that once was and it vanished because someone stole it from me when the truth is it never wasmine to begin with.

The fire had me walking forward instead of backwards and the footsteps following me vanished as I walked into the present so I wouldn’t look back and try to return. Time has come for me to finally accept  that the feeling of being three Miles above the sky is long gone, that I was lucky to have it, that once I thought it was meant for eternity but  now  I  understand that It was Eternal while it lasted. Time has come for me to smile back and turn my face to what´s left. A long road, probably an lonely walk through that road but with my head up satisfied with the feeling of knowing. Knowing that I lived on earth and experimented that ¨ 3 miles above the sky¨ Love, that at the time I deserved and I reciprocated but it´s time now  to be a witness and tell others that it does exist and we should all fight to have it at least once. The fire has taught me all of that!

The fire has taken time to care for me and stop to clean my wounds so I won´t keep on bleeding. He has being merciful with me and has put me down to rest. The fire has showed me that I will no longer need to dwell on something that has vanished from earth and that soon my memories will turn to ashes, all will be finally forgotten.

How can you reunite Souls if they have decided to part away?
The fire has given the final answer: Never.

This is why we need to cherish each moment near and ask mercifully not to be blind when true Love comes knocking our door because I had my eyes open but disbelieved that he came to me so early in life then I stayed blind folded and when I wanted to take it all back it was already out of my hands because I let it slipped away. Every time the fire had told me this story and it hits so hard that breathing is almost impossible, every time he tells me that Second chances don ´t exist for this and once lost recovering is impossible.

Burning is the only way to rebirth, burning is the only way to erasing, burning is the only way to salvation from despair. Now, the fire is my only friend. My only color, my only memory, my only way.

Let it Burn away tonight!




Salomée 

Monday, June 09, 2014

Gray days


Gray day has risen upon us in this unusual winter. Is like the sun has escaped from this side of the world. I walked by the streets missing it, longing for it, dreaming of it, wishing for it, exhaling for it, that spark I could only feel with you. Knowing that it wasn´t like I thought: having you. Knowing that it´s me, I need to search for that special twist in other things because having you is out of the question. It´s Gray, alright: all of it, the buildings, the clouds, the air, and the people around me, him, me, you, all of the rest.


Gray day has risen upon my heart. Is like it won’t beat at it´s usual rate when we shared the soft sheets. I wake up every day feeling it, whispering it, playing with it, that emptiness that won´t go away since we departure. Emptiness that has been digging deeper since that last afternoon where I sat on that bench and pretended I didn´t care while my heart was swimming in a great hollow. I left first and turned my face your way with a smile, you reciprocate as usual and you went in your car. How was I to know that was the last day we would´ve been together? How was I to know that ¨ not caring¨ was the biggest lie I told myself?


Gray day has risen upon my judgment. Is like waiting for you is the only way I can settle, that I can be whole. I thought pretty high of myself, thinking I´m not that woman, I know I am not  but I also know that  even one minimal glimpse of pure,enigmatic,soul consuming and body exploding LOVE is more than a lifetime of normal or average .This means that if I have to wait for it then, waiting it is.



Gray days like this makes me appreciate those sunny days back home, back in  your chest submerged in your unique cuddle, back where I belong and no place else.



Salomee!

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Tonight

Tonight doesn´t feel right. Tonight i´m wanting, waiting and wondering.Tonight i feel it... the desire.Tonight i wish i can sleep. Tonight isn´t about soulmates. Tonight is the last night, tomorrow this post with be erased.

Salomee.

Saturday, May 03, 2014

We look


I have written about you 2 times in my life.
I briefly met you a long time ago and saw your soul for a minute, I saw you and you saw me but instead of coming closer you stepped away and I had to settle for distance and superficial smiles along with empty handshakes. The time passed and our lives were reunited once a week and what once was, became our routine and ultimately it was all buried below feathers and stones. I gave up way too soon; I gave up something I thought I was unworthy to have. That cowardly move transformed in contemplation, in admiration and lastly in distance. Who am I to even think that you, such an immaculate heart and such a perfectionist, could have anything to do with this ragged soul? It made no sense to me so I settle for distance and contemplation.

But,

One day you looked at me again and I looked your way. When time has favored you and hit me hard in my chest, when you still look too perfect for my taste and I too broken for yours. You looked at me and then I understood: Your perfect world could’ve used some chaos; we could have been perfect together instead of separated and wondering “what if”. Even now, when we know is too late and both worlds have turned unreachable, we still look  our ways and smile, shyly smile, forbidden smile, proudly smile and sometimes when we feel is too  overwhelming, we ignore, we avoid, we pretend , we  discourage each other. Because losing control, losing our north now is scary and we don’t want to risk it, especially because it’s not just us anymore. Talk about being so efin late? Ironic.

However,

We still look and in our minds we create our world, we find some peace and quiet under the noisy skin, we look. Without shame, without reservations, we enter and live inside that bubble, we find ourselves looking.

And,

Behind your perfection, your living twister, your calmly ways, your soothe voice, your perfect wording match, your strong hands , you adventurous  soul, you want all of me:  Fallen, disrupted , confused, uncompleted.

And ,

You’ve wondered, you’ve shaked your head thinking that the impossible could happen, that your better half is someone you merely look  from a distance. That you created a current world that annoys you and doesn’t fit you. That you once loved the idea of it but your reality is someplace else in the south.

The time will come soon for me to see you again, I will look your way and smile. Would you look back? 

Salomee.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Eyes Closed



I once read that I needed to "look my surroundings with my eyes closed in order to see what my mind creates”. That thought has grown deep, fast, wide and submerged enough to a point of my reality. Life would be easier if we could only imagine it, if  we could only recreate it.... wait a minute, we actually  can, we actually do. Is hard for some of us, we're never satisfied and the real reason is because, we that imagine always want more. We have seen with our eyes that we can achieve much more, that settling won't make the cut, that this is fine but our world can be greater, that we cannot be a afraid of changing. With our eyes closed is the only time we can actually understand God's capability of creating new worlds. However, our creation is a reflection of wishful thinking, is full of mistakes making along the way and those mistakes give us the opportunities of recreating and  changing paths again. Does this means that we never settle? That we can't find peace once and for all? Good questions, can anyone honestly answer that?



I once read that i needed to "look my surroundings with my eyes closed in order to see what my mind creates". This means that we should never stop dreaming, that it's the only prove of our existence. Right now i'm creating a world that's helping me to discovering myself, to answer simple questions like,  how to define parameters, to circle maturity the right way, to accept and what not to accept, to leave  behind my own path. 

I certainly will live with my eyes closed.


Salomee.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Seven Minutes


Life and all it'ss games have brought me to this conclusion: Where I stand at this right spot, is the place designed for me to occupy. A temporary place that I can change at any time and find myself searching a different happiness.  
The big question is: Why change it? Easy answer: Because we can. Then I have another one hitting me hard: What if the perfect place for me was found, decided to change it and suddenly I’m now looking to go back? Not an easy answer there: too bad, because you can’t.
Life, only one shot at it and you have to work hard to make it count. I’ve been  wandering and wondering about the mysteries, about  my confusions, my mistakes, my winnings, my war, my heart, my true love and the end  to  the speech is this: It’s all Vanity, pure incorrigibly and irreverent Vanity. Because what matters isn’t what we lived nor what we will get, what matters is this spot where I am and the desire to stay or to change it. Then I smile and know the answer to this: “I’m staying and you’re going to love me”. Loving me just   like this: wrecked, troubled, complicated and within all of it absolutely perfect. Perfect for you.  And you perfect for me.
Life is what I need right now and it’s all I will need every day, because in the end in seven minutes I will walk on what I lived and the things that made me happy or sad. That short time is the only thing I would need to rest at peace knowing I lived life to the fullest and was happy.

Enjoying this spot and staying.



Sal!

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Weekend

It was a great week!

I had a chance to smile, to breathe, to count my blessings and to stay high on life. I can breathe again, love  the sunsets and enjoy the new experience. Enjoy to hear different people´s accents, it´s like the change of scenary had given me the steady sense i needed and it´s  intoxicating good. Getting life together feels like happiness isn´t a mirage, feels right.

Enjoying the rain with a wide smile.


Sal!

Friday, January 17, 2014

New year without THAT!


My unwanted-erased past that likes to walk into my mind every time he pleases. 

A new year has arrived and it’s being 17 days of this new beginning, I intend to excel and live fully  for the next 348 moons without my past. If you’re awaiting a New Year’s resolution from me, this is what you get: I have no intention of going nor looking back.

My eyes are no longer set on what I left behind because bottom line is that if I left it, if my heart decided to leave was  because THAT wasn’t meant for me, THAT wasn’t enough, THAT wasn’t what my soul needed, THAT isn’t here anymore because it wasn’t brave  enough to fight  for me, it was unworthy.

I decided to move to another country and start form zero, let’s see how the year ends.



Sal!