One page a day is all i need

Sorrow has shipped away, looking at me in disbelieve thinking that I wasn't going to survive her visit.  Melancholy isn’t singing her disastrous melodies that were killing my heart. I no longer feel numb, I’m dancing in the rain for all my blessings ,and the biggest one was letting you go so I can start living this wonderful life God has put upon me.

You have sailed away, finally from my heart. I'm done craving for the unexistance of your soul that once cast me away in the most black hole nightmare.My body doesn't want your hands or your warmth, i'm contemplating how easy my life is now, without any complications or disarters: THANK YOU.

One day at the time is all i need, one page a day i'll make even if it seemed imposible i'm overcoming my fears and i'm ready to move foward.

She finally walks in and we have our last conversation about you:

-Feeling better now?-She asked

Much better, it's almost like i feel free.

-Do you think that you finally are?- she insisted.

I feel it, i feel that i don't have a burden or any shadows behind my back. I am free now.

-So, was i right that he never deserved you?-she had to throw it out there eventually.

Yes mom, you were. You're always right, i should've listened the first time.

-Sometimes is better to live it than to listen, i guess this wasn't the exeption.-She replayed with a low tone and continue- But, let me ask you, what about love, the love you said you felt can't be ignored. What are you going to do with that love?

I have wash it away, put in a box and throw into the sea.

-The Sea? umm, you know the sea's rule, right?  If it belonged once he will bring it back, is that what you're expecting from this, haven't you learned nothing?-She had her eyes watered and looking at me with anger.

Not this time mom, i sent it to the sea because i'm most certain that it will never get back because i don't want it anymore, i finally realized that i did the right thing of letting go the first time and that i shouldn't have try recovering it. I have learned the hard way: i really thought that he was my soulmate , that we were meant for each other but reality has played the cards much better, i have cried it, hurt it, suffered it.

I washed it away with tears, moments of silence,fear and with acceptance. Now, serenity has joing the party and i've decided to love whom ever loves me back. These are the reasons that have made me feel free and relieved , knowing that we both wish well to each other if  even it took me more time than him but finally closure is definitive.

-Wao, you're at peace. Are you ready to live the life you were built for?-She insisted

Mom, i finally found someone perfect for this twisted, broken, misunderstood, aged,carefull, wonderous, private heart of mine. I've had it in front of me all alone, it is him that make me be a better version of me, it is now that i can finally say i trully love someone else, someone that deserves my love, someone that i deserve as well.

-Good, you've learned it, the hard way but you have learned it. I'm glad one of us it's at a timely manner to redo her life the proper way. Let's go now, everyone it's wating and he'll be the one waiting at the altar.

As we walked toward the stairs i heard the whisper in my head: " One page a day is all you need"

I smiled, knowing that peace will remain in me.

The Swing

People would think that this insanity will finish me; That I would never be able to get back from this black land that I’ve chosen to live in.


The Truth is that I constantly have the same dream. I often hear myself saying words in a place  that only numbness can hear me. 
Is it healthy for a mind to keep the past in their present until one day he would turn on my future?. 


I can only say I miss you through my lines, I can’t speak your name or try to contact you in any way because it would be a mistake.


I can only understand now the struggle of an addict , no matter how hard we try we’ll always be craving for it, no matter how we keep ourselves sober, one day we’re willing to loose all the effort for one second of glory. I can relay with this feeling  so bad that my ability to forget you is at zero percent.

People would deem me for what I am, a selfish being that has decided to love what doesn’t belong to my surrounds. What is it about me been able to repel instead of attract you? 


I thought that I wasn’t able to do something so obnoxious : telling   my heart that  I will seat through the years and wait for you. How lame is this? To be afraid of loneliness and settle for less , for something that isn’t you.

People had told me that it isn't right for me, that we don't belong. Only if i could make you understand how deep this sorrow has over taken my heart, would you change your mind? the answer to that question is a rotundent NO. What once was ,isn't there any longer.


It doesn't make sense to me, all this love wasted for nothing but yet it has stablished it's own signature: it ENDED today for me, it was never a possibility for you.


Salomée ♥!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJGpsL_XYQI&feature=autoplay&list=PLE83DE7B27D73AD75&lf=mh_lolz&playnext=1

My reasons

I'm starting to hate this... more and more every day. To  be the last thing i see before a i go to bed and to dream it during my peace time. It's too much, when would i stop this madness and let go? The answer to my question is: "just because you don't want to"- My heart says .

I'm tired, i don't know what to do with  this, not anymore.
Apparently ,in some part of my subconscious  mind  , it has  some kind of amusing on torturing me . I guess i arrived to that place were i found my own personal hell without any opportunity of repentance.
 I guess i have my reasons, i wish i could  return time an relived  over and over those moments we're i felt complete.
I guess i won't stop writting to you, even when you don't want to see me anymore,even when i wish i wouldn't have  met you, even when  you made me feel so small for you.


How can you forget a soul mate?


Maybe i shouldn't have let you in  again in my life that sunny morning with the sea view and your smile  mesmerizing my soul again like the first day.
I have my reasons to keep you in my heart, i believe that this love is worth saving, even if i'm the only one that still believes in it. This is the reason why when we were   reunited it was like the first time and it became transcendental to me.
Yesterday i fought a big battle with my hands, my mind,the concequences, the internet...instead of fighting you, i was fighting myself to survive another day without trying to contact you. It was hard , i was almost giving up. Only God knows how was i able to stop. 
I guess i have my reasons to keep you with me, when i should tear the bond that I am choosing to tie.
My reasons, are mine. The one thing you can't deny me from and take it away  with you to another sky.

Salomée ♥!