Fact 4

I just finished my last post and then decided to call my conscience:

-Hi, Mom. Are you feeling better?

-Physically I’m getting better but I think I’m emotionally exhausted. I have witness too much in the past couple of days. - She sounds troubled.

-Are you fighting again with Dad?

-Sadly, this isn´t about me Hun!  What did you do? Were you that terrible to  him?

I lower my face, she can´t see me but she knows after the silence. Why we need to always go back to this subject.

-Mom, What are you talking about? I´m way too far to cause any damage.

-I saw him yesterday, he wasn´t aware of me being near. He´s lost! Completely lifeless.

-No, Mom! I think you are confused. That person is happy and it´s at his best moment.

-Listen to me. I know a Circus Charade when I see one.

-Mom, That doesn´t matter now. I´m done with that, I’m refocused to new things now.

-You blind child, are you going to play that game too.

-Mom, I don´t want to hear it. It´s done, we chose different lives, we want different things, we changed, life changed us. We don´t belong in a common world, We simply are intended to exist separately and I honestly think we´re happier.

She remained in silence.

-I know you worry about us, but honestly we´re fine or at least with time we will.

No answer.

-Don´t dwell for me, mom.

Suddenly i hear tears. I hear her breath getting thicker and anxious.

-Are you crying for this? Mom, don´t worry, pleases I´m ok.

She manages to speak.

-Is this how you wake yourself every day? Are these the words that let you sleep at night? You will not fight for it anymore?

-No. I won´t fight for it anymore.

-Then be ready for those consequences. Be ready for the hole that your chest will carry, be ready to look at the mirror and feel like something is always missing. Be ready for looking the other way when you see him and still feel your heart wanting to come out, be ready to cry from now and then wondering how he is, be ready to never forget and live a pretend life, be ready for sorrow, be ready for loneliness, be ready for a fractionated happiness, be ready to keep yourself locked and no one to find the key. Be ready to live my life. Wasn´t  you who said that you´ll be nothing like me? Wasn´t you the braver? Is this what you want? Thirty years from now this is where you´ll be, is this what your heart wishes?

Tears started to fall out limitless; now it was me with the heavy breathing, now it was me the speechless one.

-You see now why there´s no need for the Circus Charade.

-Mom, what can I do when one of us has the will but the other chooses to live the charade?

-So, you´re telling me that you´ve tried and you´re not the problem?

I said yes but the words don´t get out of my mouth but she knows the answer.

-I see…. Then you´re not the one walking towards dooms day….He is.

I bet that we both nodded at the same time.

-I´m sorry Darling but now I understand what you meant…. You had no other choice but to moved away from here and try to be happy. You´re  indeed the bravest and the best of us. You will conquer this, and soon enough you´ll be granted with a gift I can only dream of.

-What´s that, Mom?

- Amnesia.

Salomée

The Girl is Touching Fire

The fire is touching my skin and caressing it to prepare for rebirth and the wind that once was quiet, is giving the great news. My death stopped, my denial had shipped away, my pain went down the river and only the certainty of achievement is occupying my strength, my endured will and my entire body.

The architect of my future isn´t my past, the shadows that once blocked my vision are no longer a problem; the love I gave to the undeserving is refocused to life and it´s magical moments. Moments that I intent to live, cherish and smile about.

It´s time for me, myself and I get a vacation to wonderland and made this fairy tale world more of a reality. There´s no time for bitterness, no time for wondering, no time for sadness, no time for the unworthy, no time for past mistakes there´s only time for Love  in all its dimensions and nothing more or nothing less because it´s absolutely truth what they say ¨Life is indeed too short to live it with regret¨. Everything that happened in my life was for a reason, the decisions I took upon myself made me who I am.

The fire have made me searched for the truth behind the lies, the  faded promises, the story telling speaking of soul mates or rooted love that once was and it vanished because someone stole it from me when the truth is it never wasmine to begin with.

The fire had me walking forward instead of backwards and the footsteps following me vanished as I walked into the present so I wouldn’t look back and try to return. Time has come for me to finally accept  that the feeling of being three Miles above the sky is long gone, that I was lucky to have it, that once I thought it was meant for eternity but  now  I  understand that It was Eternal while it lasted. Time has come for me to smile back and turn my face to what´s left. A long road, probably an lonely walk through that road but with my head up satisfied with the feeling of knowing. Knowing that I lived on earth and experimented that ¨ 3 miles above the sky¨ Love, that at the time I deserved and I reciprocated but it´s time now  to be a witness and tell others that it does exist and we should all fight to have it at least once. The fire has taught me all of that!

The fire has taken time to care for me and stop to clean my wounds so I won´t keep on bleeding. He has being merciful with me and has put me down to rest. The fire has showed me that I will no longer need to dwell on something that has vanished from earth and that soon my memories will turn to ashes, all will be finally forgotten.

How can you reunite Souls if they have decided to part away?

The fire has given the final answer: Never.

This is why we need to cherish each moment near and ask mercifully not to be blind when true Love comes knocking our door because I had my eyes open but disbelieved that he came to me so early in life then I stayed blind folded and when I wanted to take it all back it was already out of my hands because I let it slipped away. Every time the fire had told me this story and it hits so hard that breathing is almost impossible, every time he tells me that Second chances don ´t exist for this and once lost recovering is impossible.

Burning is the only way to rebirth, burning is the only way to erasing, burning is the only way to salvation from despair. Now, the fire is my only friend. My only color, my only memory, my only way.

Let it Burn away tonight!

Salomée