I was going to lose myself and let you take
over.
For a second, I thought this was possible and
life had given me a chance to let my world be swiped by this perfected love
that seems more like a nightmare right now.
What was I thinking, how could I let this happened?
How could I let my mind create this lie?
We got played. In the most stupid way we got
played. Us, who claimed to be torture and disaster for them, we got played. How
could this happen? I know the answer to that. How I didn’t see this coming? We
actually did but chose to ignore it. So many times talking about closure and
letting go, time wasted, my precious time wasted, unnecessary tears wasted. All
because I was fooled to believe in something that didn´t exist. This is not a
farewell letter, this is not a ¨ I´m better off without¨ song, this isn´t a ¨
your lost¨ tale. This is me saying it´s enough. Eighteen years are more than
enough torture of living a half live. I didn´t lose anything, I wasn´t cheated
out of a precious treasure, I wasn´t meant to live thinking I had something when
it´s all clear that this was never the plan.
You were a lesson, you were a task, and you
were a thing I had to overcome. I was blind but not anymore. I was told to bury
you and move on; instead I kept dragging your sorry ass around in the back of
my mind waiting. I was not intended to wait; I was not carved to be waiting for
anyone. I gave you the importance you
never deserved and now I’m taking that power from you.
I’m here today to pay my respects to an
illusion, smiling to see that you were measured and weighted but found wanting.
There´s no beauty in you, there´s no special song that my heart listens, there´s
no great loss. There´s only silence and emptiness in your eyes. There´s only
regret in me for wasting my time, for wasting my efforts on making myself adequated to a prick, to a stone, to a pile of an empty soul. There´s only shame in me,
there´s only this feeling of anger with myself for letting all happened and
agreeing to it.
Salomée
