To my dear Widow!

I just read your last conversation with your mom.... i must say i totally understand  your feelings and your duel with her over and over about the way you should live YOUR life.I've been there and let me tell you that the sensation it's impossible to put words to describe it. No one it's ever good enough, no one deserve us, no one trully loves us, no one it's worthy and because of this we might end up with no one. I'm sure you've already lived the hate process and find out that you can't hate her, and i'm sure you're trying to pleased her, because she deserves it. But i have to  agree with Nadeshko all the way and say that you need to stop making this a battle and put your trully self out there, i'm sure who ever loves you enough will final accept that it's your happiness that matters.

The honest truth is that at the end of the day she's the only one  that will ride with you and would be willing to die for you, even though you don't think she would.

I'm looking foward to read more about your adventures of pursue of happiness and i'm sure one day she'll give in but she won't unless you make a clear stand of what you want.

xoxo,
Salomée

Visiting my happy place!

I lost track of this  path several years ago. I remembered that i was walking it smiling and persuing my magical happy ending. I understand now that what my mom said is so true:
" You are the result of your own choices, it's noones foult but yours."
I hate it but she knows me perfectly, i look back and see that she's so right that scares me. I learned some good lessons from her, the ones i didn't  follow marked  the diference today:


-One: you should stop once you find that missing piece in your heart,there's nothing else after that but pain.
-Two: Karma exists.
-Three: once lost, never found; if returned, it will never be the same.
-Four:The mind doesn't have the power to heal a heart break, it can only give you a shot of amnesia so you can survive what's left in your life.
-Five:Be careful on what you wish for; you might get it.


I like to visit from time to time my "IF" land and pretend for a second " what if i would've...". I'm such a estructed human being that i need a checklist to follow for my master plan , the one i lost track long time ago, the one that ran through my fingers trying to scape from me.


I just want one moment of pure and perfect happyness, is this too much to ask?


-Yes....(I here her say)...You need to wake up every morning and say to yourself that you are in your happy place and noone can take you away from it.


Now ,i start thinking how does my happy place look like, is it like an old movie or is it more like "Alice in wonderland"? What's my happy place like?

It's a big turquoise beach with pearled sand and soft breeze. The palm trees swings  with some kind of tropical dance making me smile. 
It's a place full of  deep light, where the sun doesn't burn the eyes but heat up the skin. 
It's a unique island that treasures rainy days with sunlight, where there's a sacred lake that's covered with  a continue spray of snow. It's a Wooden Home, where warmth and wind coexist in perfect harmony.
 It's a place for secret encounters, where i can see myself as i really am.It's a wide white room, where i can cook love and bake tenderness.
It's a  hot  and cold water brook, where i can swim to other continents and be in Venece in less than a second, it has teleporter capacity.
It's my mother's embrace and my father's shoulder.


Visiting my happy place from time to time, feels good.




Salomée.

Everlasting

Forever is cursed.
My eyes are block by your shadow and this is  more unbearing as the days goes by. I wish i could call or even see what the oceans are trying to hide between the water, sand and the sun. Eternity isn't fun anymore. I have no choice but to forget you, the interesting part is that the effort is less each day. I simply can't.

"I'm tired, love"- i had to say.

-Why won't you quit? it's not imposible, i was able to do so with no dificulty.

" You have the nerve of rubbing it in my face? have you no heart?"- i had to sound ridiculous enough.

-If i don't say it, who will? You need to understand once and for all, love.

"I understand, that's not the problem. I know my misery means nothing to you. Do you think i want to be in this place forever? Do you think that i want...."-I had the nerve of crying infront of him.

-Please don't make more of a fool of yourself, i don't long for you the way you do. I'm rebuilding and forgetting, moving foward. You should do the same.

"Yes , i know that for sure.But sometimes it's dificult to believe that you don't wish for my flesh, that you don't wish for one more day or one more time, That all the things you've said were just a result of moments of lust.The words you once wrote for me, and only for me,Would never be for someone else."- i had to say it and sound proud of it.

-So? it's past tense now. That was just me being blind and stupid. We don't belong anymore. I love other things now, other people.

"You don't believe we are soul mates?"-I was naive enough to ask.

Silence.

"You don't believe this, us, is everlasting? Don't you feel that when we see each other it's like the fist time, like the entire universe stops and there's nothing else but us? Are you saying that this isn't worth saving? it's been more than a decade and still feels fresh and perfect for me, does it to you?"- I  had to say it out loud  in the open without measuring the consequences.

Silence again.

" Dare to look at me again, stop running and face me, tell me face to face that we're over."-I had to give him the opportunity.

-We're over, Sal.

He had the courage to say it to the wind, sitting down in a different country. Waiving a goodbye far away from me. I still don't believe him but my heart has been preparing me for the inevitable truth: he left to forget our everlasting love or to bury it until one of us gives up.

"I just wish it would stop lingering arround here and leave me alone"-I finally replayed.

Salomée ♥!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5anLPw0Efmo&ob=av2e

Minimalism

Going  back to where all started : us.

The simplicity of a kiss.

My  open heart.

Your honest verse, kept in a box with me until today.

The hands touching the face, the lips speaking of love, the sky whitnessed it all.

Time hasn't put an end to it  like  i hoped, it has mark me and won't let me forget.

It was intense for me, i will never find the proper words to describe it.

It was a mistake for you, you will never find a safe place to hide it.

Some day it will be possible? -No it won't.
Please come to me, i despairingly need you-No you don't.
Why me? -Because you're the love of my life.

Intriguing feelings of absence, when thousands of seas break our lines and make us be apart.

How black and white is our promise land flag.

This is how i know it's forever: no matter how long it passes, i still see you like the first time. Untouched, unbreakable, MINE.

The extreme simplification of our love is hidden from the surface and only can be discovered and published by the the creators: Us.

What's essential to me? YOU.
What isn't needed in your life? ME.

I have encounter the path that would take me home several times but refused to let go, but why? so i can linger in limbo until you decide to return and leave again. I don't seem to learn my lesson. I enjoy the torture.

The way i feel about you, i  will never feel for anyone ever again, it's too painfull.

Warm me up sun, since this rain has stole my happy days and the wind is blowing the wrong direction again.

Salomée ♥!