We look

I have written about you 2 times in my life.

I briefly met you a long time ago and saw your soul for a minute, I saw you and you saw me but instead of coming closer you stepped away and I had to settle for distance and superficial smiles along with empty handshakes. The time passed and our lives were reunited once a week and what once was, became our routine and ultimately it was all buried below feathers and stones. I gave up way too soon; I gave up something I thought I was unworthy to have. That cowardly move transformed in contemplation, in admiration and lastly in distance. Who am I to even think that you, such an immaculate heart and such a perfectionist, could have anything to do with this ragged soul? It made no sense to me so I settle for distance and contemplation.

But,

One day you looked at me again and I looked your way. When time has favored you and hit me hard in my chest, when you still look too perfect for my taste and I too broken for yours. You looked at me and then I understood: Your perfect world could’ve used some chaos; we could have been perfect together instead of separated and wondering “what if”. Even now, when we know is too late and both worlds have turned unreachable, we still look  our ways and smile, shyly smile, forbidden smile, proudly smile and sometimes when we feel is too  overwhelming, we ignore, we avoid, we pretend , we  discourage each other. Because losing control, losing our north now is scary and we don’t want to risk it, especially because it’s not just us anymore. Talk about being so efin late? Ironic.

However,

We still look and in our minds we create our world, we find some peace and quiet under the noisy skin, we look. Without shame, without reservations, we enter and live inside that bubble, we find ourselves looking.

And,

Behind your perfection, your living twister, your calmly ways, your soothe voice, your perfect wording match, your strong hands , you adventurous  soul, you want all of me:  Fallen, disrupted , confused, uncompleted.

And ,

You’ve wondered, you’ve shaked your head thinking that the impossible could happen, that your better half is someone you merely look  from a distance. That you created a current world that annoys you and doesn’t fit you. That you once loved the idea of it but your reality is someplace else in the south.

The time will come soon for me to see you again, I will look your way and smile. Would you look back? 

Salomee.