Dreamed phone call

Last night I heard your voice: it was clear, it made me smile, and it made me wonder how it was possible. Last night we talked, no arguments just relief of hearing each other. It took me a while to understand it was  a dream, but either way I was smiling and not grieving anymore:

-Last night we were happy, do you understand? Only in a dream and that was it.- I cried.

Him: We cannot keep doing this to ourselves. I need to go, please let me go.

-You left already, remember? I wasn’t able to stop you. You left me but last night we talked, it wasn’t about us, it was just a talk that I can’t remember in details. We just talked and were happy to hear each other. That was all  I  just wanted you to know.

Him: I can’t do this anymore, I don’t want to see you ever again. I want to forget everything.

-Relax , I know. I’m dealing with that my own way. But “there’s no rest for the wicked”, that’s why I keep thinking of  us. I go to sleep every night wondering when would it stop but now, is not enough knowing that you exist on top off that I hear you in my dreams. Frankly, that is some twisted black magic you’re using.

Him: What are you talking about? I’m not doing anything....
 (troubled voice)
...For the record, I hear you in my sleep too, I dream vividly with us, I’m struggling to move on. That’s why I had to leave you. We are better apart than together. That’s our reality , Sal.

(Resignation)

-I know, we tried “together” and  “separate” we’re better people. But why I insist on been infatuated with this mirage of us? I insist on seeing you again, I insist in us and I’m so tired of being the only one fighting for us.

Him: Stop that! Stop fighting for us, stop fighting for something that doesn’t exist that never existed. Our time passed, I don’t want you!!! You don’t understand it!

-Don’t get upset darling, I understand. It’s your rejection that causes my confusion and my indecision of letting go. You see, I have a theory: “I don’t like it when I can’t have it.” I don’t like sharing what’s mine.

Him: What are you talking about? And you say I’m Mr. Ego? I’m not yours, I walked away from you, I used you, the last thing I am right now it’s yours. I’m trying to be happy most important trying to make others happy.

-Then why  we  could never  looked  each other and just act normal, why there was  always a mystery between us, why we looked the other way when we were  in the same room, why did you call me that day  and told me all of those things? Why you chose someone else?

Him: You too, chose someone else! Remember? You made me leave, I asked you to change, to be the person I fall for. You refused to do it, you said good bye and later expected I came back and make me suffer it all over again!! No, I couldn’t.

-I begged you to come back, I asked God forgiveness for loosing you! but  you didn’t give me chance to prove it!! You stupid prick, I loved you. In what language should I break it down to you??

Him: I don’t love you anymore, Sal

-I know, but I’m having a hard time accepting it. Just let me enjoy the fact that last night I dreamed we talked and  we both felt happy on hearing each other. Let me enjoy my illusion.

Him: If you keep doing that you’re going to get it wrong again. If I would’ve want you I would’ve fought for you, I would’ve got the guts to get you.

-Yes, you're right. It hurts to hear the truth, but I needed to hear does words before when   the damage could’ve been avoided. (sigh)
 Never mind, you’re still in denial. At this point, is useless;  it’s over ,I understand now that I need to stop talking to you in my dreams. I end up disappointed here too. This isn’t a good sign, these conversations are over. You killed the moment.

Him: Fine, I can finally go to sleep again.

-Silence.

Salomée