Healing

Today I was at a place where we all be one day: life’s closure. It was peculiar and unexpected. Seeing people that I  didn’t see over decades and yet they remained the same. But my concentration was placed on you. I had my second thoughts about going towards that road but  it was inevitable, someone died and I had to give my respects. Everyone  was kind of lost in meaningless words and it seems to be like some circus charade: people, a human being stoped breathing,someone that his life was attached with lots of people; someone’s husband,son,brother and father. Sadly,  my perseption was that  people looked relieved intead of troubled, everyone but you. The environment was  like a social club having a monthly meeting, everyone was questioning and talking  nonesences, but you. While people was singing and prasing their Lord, you where quiet not talking much, just trying to strong it all up to portrait your best performance.  I gave my condolences and just sat there  to witness, but most of all sat there to let you know that there was someone there for you in your loneliness, someone that wasn’t family. Just  to let you know that there was a heart  in your surrounds that was joining you with your pain and inner suffering, your own personal hell that you refused to share with the massive unforgivable world. Someone that you cherished but never had in reality, someone that did want you in secret and locked you in a velvet room in her heart. Someone that once loved you but moved on but never forgot your existence. I was there just to remind that this was necessary to grow,  to love and  to wait for the next waive. I was there to be part of your healing process and to witness how you’ll overcome this deep pain. I sincerely want you to rest my  friend, you’re dad is at peace now.

P.U.S.H.

My learning experiences are all the way to the top on the list off amazing facts.

It’s amazing and mesmerizing enough, that I’m struggling with the words to describe it.

Life is a train, with a destination and purpose. It takes us where ever we dare to go if we allow ourselves the pleasure.  I think that there’s going to come the day when, life walking its final steps, will smile in complicity of what we were able to accomplish:

Peace………….On watching every sunset and every waive coming from different seas.

Understanding………………that time is my friend, not the enemy. Sufferings were my lessons and mistakes were the structure of my humanity. Misfortune doesn't exist. Love has a price, and not always takes us through a safe path, therefore: beware of who you love.

Success……………on never quitting and fighting for a better ME.

Happiness……….Given by my surrounds:  nature, love ones, GOD.

Push yourself to live, life it’s the only opportunity that we have. Yes, every action has consequences. Be happy for the new opportunity that you have, to awake yourself to a BRAND NEW DAY.

Push yourself on trying new things every day, life’s variety it’s endless, why limit yourself. Fill your eyes with nature, enchant you ears of the sweet song of the rivers, rest over the tranquility of a cherished dream.

Push your surrounds to accept you as you are, to embrace your existence, to acknowledge your inner beauty, to invite you to dance with the wind while others waste their time in war or any other type of ignorance.

Don’t stop pushing for what it’s rightfully yours!

Three

III

There’s no sense on doing that to myself, the self sacrifice it’s enough, I don’t need it to be more enduring. This is as  good as it is, as much as my heart can deal with. When two soul mates break the strings , they can’t be friends, since they know each other so well that  friendship would be like living in limbo. They can’t be enemies , since hate would lead to love all over again. There’s only one path  for detached soul mates: becoming  senseless strangers to each other;

My conscience talks to me:  Sal, breathe. There’s nothing for you here, if you turn back you know exactly how will end. He will not change, keep walking you weak soul!!. Don’t turn your eyes back. ( started to rush and walking fast, as a loud voice would come closer and closer claiming  my name)

Give it a rest already, gosh!! What’s up with men and their lust drama of getting what they can’t have and ditching what they took for granted.( I’m sick and tired of this crap)

"Sal , stop!! Wait!!"- He was yelling.

I need to get out of here, how  did I got myself in this mess??. Can I get my magic tricks  now to make me disappear, it would be very useful. This is getting kind off stalker-self-centered weird. ( I stopped, and decided to really stop the madness of this  persecution)

-Listen, just drop it already. I’m happy now, no longer wishing for your flesh and totally overcome from your bones. Get back to where you came from and let’s just be. Don’t follow, I wont response back , I won't regret, I’m over you.- I said looking into his eyes.

OK, now I’m worry. The guy is frozen like a statute and won’t even move. Should I leave now or wait to see if he’s OK: eh don’t think so!

Bye!

Two

The words are self powered, they have life of their own, words can paralyzed time and then take us to unforgettable journeys into  fiction or even a fictitious future-present-past that never occured. Words can fill a room with doubt or chaos. Words    feed   themselves with the eternal wisdom of a memory and can feed a thought or implant in our mind for decades. Words are hardly forgotten or could pass by as invisibles. Words are the reason our mind plays with our emotions like  a chess game.

Amazing, this guy is amazing!! What a  nerve.

_Wait,  now. I haven’t finished.

Yes , you’re finished.

_I wanted to take all back, but I couldn’t. That was my mistake.

Listen, I don’t care anymore. I’m glad it stopped, I’m glad you didn’t pick me!!

_I made a mistake, please forgive me. I know I don’t deserve it.

Hell yeah! But it doesn’t matter.

_Let me in again.

Oh Stop it already, mind your business and leave me alone.

_You’re not going to change your mind, you’re going to wake up one day regretting it.

But I already did that, I regret knowing you  or had you in my life. We’re done, our story is  a  walking –dead end, It’s all out I  don’t have any  more excuses for me to keep you around my thoughts. ( I wanted to continue, but why  keep going  around in circles . Is useless. )

_It happened, you could never erase that. I was , I am in your heart forever.

You egocentric prick, sadly it happened but you’re wrong. You aren’t eternal anymore. You’re forgotten.

_Why you’re  quiet?  You’re afraid on searching for the truth?

Now, I’m losing my temper. “Try going to you happy place, Sal. Try going to your happy place”

i said: The truth?  The truth is that you loved me, deeply. Hated me. Forgot me.  You changed. Disappeared. Returned. Lied. Disappeared. It’s like the endless illusionist game for you.

Silence. I kept walking.

One

The words can built, recreate a world, climb mountains, swim big lakes, ran across continents, win championships, compose a hit song, and emulate an art piece.  Your words went away with the wind and  are no longer the song enchanting my heart.

Seriously.

_ I came to talk.

I’m deaf , can’t hear a single word.

_just let me explain, hear me out and I can show you how things have change.

Really, this is amazing. I need someone to record this, I need an eye witness.

_ I need to…. Let me….

Yes, you f@#$! Of course you have no words. Of course there’s no apology. There’s no room for you anymore. Enjoy emptiness all by yourself. I’m done.

_I know I have no excuse, that I shouldn’t even look  at you.But I want set things  straight.

Go  and make things straight with Alaska, your chosen country , I’m not available anymore. I survived, I’m standing up, I  overcome pain and solitude, I won a long battle with time and negligence. Keep your apology, it’s over rated!

_Salomee, please say something. At least, tell me to go.

_Go. I finally said.

_I don’t want to, I  want to stay.

_Then enjoy my absence since you decided to  ignore my presence. ( I stood up, look right through him and  breathe  out the last venomous  whisper), you’re out of my system. I now I realize how your name is synonymous of waste of time.  You let go the worse mistake of your life, something that you felt ashamed of. Now I let go the epiphany of a ghost that I buried thinking my wound would be eternal.But here I am, caring absolutely  crap of what you were or anything that you have to say. ( I started to walk but wanted an  astonish closing, turn to face him) I’m finally leaving you ALONE , as you requested.

I'm back!!!!

The new version, a better one. never over shadowed and with lots of desires and wishes of breathing a new coast. I'm so happy. See you tomorrow.

Salomee!