Through back Thursday

Are you happy Love? Are you at peace? Are you where you were meant to be?

Can you wake up every day and say :"this is what I need"?

Are you in the perfect spot on earth? Are you thinking it was all worth it?

Can you truly say this is the life you envisage? 

Are you fulfilled? Are you saying "this" is enough?

Can your smile reflect satisfaction?

Can it provide absolute satisfaction like when you looked me in the eyes?

I want you to say yes.

I want you to believe it when you say it.

I really wish it was all true, your façade of "Finally where i want to be: home"

I really want to.

Believe... that we aren't perfect for each other.

Believe ...that I’m the worst thing that happen to you.

Believe....that it was ALL a mistake.

I really want to.

I honestly do.... But

Then I see the emptiness in your smile, the hollow in your eyes, the hidden pain, the hypocrisy, the darkness.

Darkness that only I understand that I absolutely love as it is, as it comes and as it  always will. Then I hear the drums playing without a tune, then I hear our song without any meaning playing endless in the wind, then I see the distance from reality.

And i finally understand that the man i once loved in no longer in that body .That he died 15 years ago and i forgot to go to his funeral. 

Babe, when did you decided that being as you were, wasn't good enough? When you gave up? When you surrendered to misery?

I really want to pity you.

Feel bad for you.

Cry for you.

I honestly want to...But

Then I remember that you left  ME, that YOU made the decision, that you KILLED us. That you chose that so-called happiness, empty as an echo. Then I remember my pain, my loneliness, my suffering, my emptiness , my endurance, my rebirth, my recovery and my overcoming.

And I finally understand that I should thank you every day for ALL.

Ivy♠!