With love,

I guess I’ve been ignoring you far too long, I’ve tricked myself on saying that I don’t want you, I’ve said it could wait and right now isn’t the moment for us . I’ve tried to blame your absence and said this isn’t meant to be. I’ve got tired of hoping that every month you’ll arrive; instead the red stream reminds me that you’re not ready to come in. My clock had mark the hours long time ago, I’ve distracted myself with the past, enjoyed this present but at the end of the day I miss you: my so-called wanted birth love, my cherished blind love that I wish to call mine and hold inside me until I’m able to carry you in my arms. I’m anxiously waiting for you, scare that I’m not enough, that I’m not adequate and my heart won’t be able to love you as much as you need me to. My wish, my everyday wish, it's for you to call me yours and we could have a lifetime learning experience and you can teach me all the secrets God will put in your heart for us to grow together and be part of this book of life humanity is writing.

Today I opened my eyes widely and went searching for answers on why your delay is present and why it’s so difficult for you to visit me. I won’t lie ,it hurts and I cried because the pain was unbearable and my entire body aches for your absence. I realized that my path needs to be complicated for me to treasure my true passion of  living this chess game that I call life and today I was happily crying ,thanking for the great opportunity of breathing and be here waiting for you. Today I viewed what I want to do with everything but instead of rushing and taking the wheels towards the road, I’m going to lose myself and let God take the steps until I get home safe with you: our home.

You have no idea how much wanted you’re, how much I want to hold you  and call you my baby. Until then I’ll keep waiting.

With love,

Mom.